So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
When are your genitals available?
Randomize