Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
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you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
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you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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