this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
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we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
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Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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