She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
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My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
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Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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