made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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