Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
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woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
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i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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