Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
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...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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