I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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