If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize