First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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