There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
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I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
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And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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