I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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