Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
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