Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
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Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
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He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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