my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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