I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
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you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
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I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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