hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
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Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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