I think my fart just growled at me.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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