Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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