he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
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There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
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A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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