I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
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She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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