he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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