life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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