If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
you had me at cake vodka
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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