Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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