3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
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