Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm experimenting with sincerity
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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