you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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