dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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