we have officially lost it.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
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This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
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I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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