mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
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I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
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And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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