Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize