So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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