zippers are such a cool invention
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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