girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
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Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
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SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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