why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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