im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
ok first of all what the fuck
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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