She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
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She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
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I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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