Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
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My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
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She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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