I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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