i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
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Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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