We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize