I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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