I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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