So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
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woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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