I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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