Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
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I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
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Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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