CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
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he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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