I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize