All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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